Let me educate you on how you know when it's REALLY cold out:
1. As you drive around town, you notice as your tires turn on the snow covered pavement they make a moaning sound. Sort of like a low rumbling thunder sound. It's as if your car axle had bones and they were creaking.
2. Your tires feel like Fred Flinstones as you bounce down the road. It's like they're square instead of round.
3. Ever heard of Black Ice??? It's not a rare and valuable diamond. Black ice occurs when it is SO COLD OUT, that your exhaust from your car freezes to the highway. You can't see it and if you drive up on it suddenly, you're likely to go spinning like a break dancer.
4. Speaking of spinning....do you know how to get your car out of a spin?? If your car start spinning to the right, do you know what to do?? You give into it. A mistake new drivers make is to jerk the steering wheel in the other direction.....this makes for spinning that can go on for days.
5. Creep up to a stop sign - don't come full speed and then slam on your brakes unless you want to slide into the intersection. New drivers ( and my husband ) often make this mistake 0_0. You can wind up rear-ending someone as well.
6. You know it's cold out when zero degrees sounds all right to you. As long as your nose hairs don't freeze and your forehead doesn't hurt, it's bikini weather to you.
7. It's not the cold....it's the WIND CHILL STUPID. Enough said on that.
8. People with pets tell me that they have to CARRY their pets outside for them to do their business. Dogs aren't stupid and they look at you like " are you flocking crazy??? I'm not going out there!! My pee will freeze in mid air "
9. You know it's cold out when people write into the paper and give suggestions on how to "enjoy" the weather. 2 gems from today's edition: 1. Blow bubbles outside and watch them freeze in mid air. 2. Boil water in the microwave and then toss outside and watch it freeze in mid-air and create snow. Obviously, here in Minnesota, we live on the edge and know how to have a good time.
10. You know it's cold when you're automatic windows don't work on your vehicle. OR, you forget how cold it is and go to use them and they snap out of position.
11. Never wash your car when it's uber cold out - unless you don't mind having it permanently sealed until Spring ( which comes in July in Minnesota ).
12. You know it's cold where you live when you start to befriend people over the internet that live in Florida. You secretly keep the idea of crashing their place if you go insane.
13. You know it's cold out when the automatic doors at Target or Cub stop working and you have to actually PULL A DOOR OPEN.
14. You know it's cold out when you decide that HELL is not a fire filled place but it's in International Falls, Minnesota instead.
15. You know it's cold out when the sight of your running furnace turns you on.
16. You know it's cold out when you refuse to go out and get the mail.
17. Speaking of the mail, you know you live in a cold climate when your metal neighborhood mailbox(es) break off because of too much exposure to salt. Thankfully, one of your pack-rat neighbors has an old table he lifts it up onto until the USPS can replace the darn thing in the Spring ( which is in July.....).
18. You know you live in a cold climate if you know what BAG BALM is. 0_0
19. You live where it's cold if your garage can be used as the largest indoor freezer in the world.
20. You live where it's colder than snot if your garage floor looks like the bottom of a sewage dump. No sense sweeping out til July because you'd be at it daily. It's wet, muddly, sludgey gunk.
21. You know it's dang cold out when your car tries to slap you for starting it.
22. You know it's cold and yucky out when everyone looks like the younger brother from A CHRISTMAS STORY - all bundled up ....looking like space men.
23. You know it's winter when your green van looks white from all the salting on the roads. You accidentally rub up against it with your BLACK COAT ( naturally ) only to look like a bag lady.
24. You know you live in a cold climate when you decide that the color theme in your house will be in warm colors ONLY. Rich earthen and southwestern colors and hues are used in a sad attempt to at least give the illusion that it's not that cold out.
25. You know it's cold out when the steel handles on the store door fronts hurt to touch.
Oh heck....I suppose I could go on and on but now I feel like I need a hot bath.
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
